If I Kill My Brother (The Sequel)

If I kill my brother,

I gain recognition,
For eliminating a man,
Cause I'm scared of competition.

I know I shouldn't kill him,
But the fact is, if I don't
That means there's one more brother out here
Trying to cop the same things I want.

I don't want to have to kill him,
Or wind up going to jail,
But with him outta the way,
That's one extra female,

A few extra dollars,
Respect from my friends,
I mean, you understand,
I can't let him get all the ends!

I know you say it ain't worth it,
That there are other ways out,
But you can't stand in my spot,
Or know what I'm all about.

Can't let you know that I'm scared,
That I ain't got no real skills,
That I can't get no real job,
To help my girl pay the bills.

Get tired of being looked down on.
How you know I don't wanna do right?
But all I know is the hustle, the game,
How to sell drugs and fight.

You keep saying, "Walk away,"
And, I hear you. But how?
I'll look like a punk,
If I back down now.

If I let him live,
Then tomorrow he shoots me,
Or, I get shot by somebody else,
Who thinks that I'm weak.

It's all escalated now.
Voices saying, "He a weak ass nigga,"
So, I steel my eyes, and grit my teeth,
And slowly squeeze the trigger.

In the flash of an instant,
His flesh rips apart,
And my bullet finds a home,
As it rests in his heart.

Now, my heart is in my throat,
And I hear it pounding in my ears,
I see people running, screaming,
My boys saying, "Come on man! What, you trying to do years?"

Feels like I'm running in lead boots,
Through deep water or quicksand,
Mouth feels like I'm eating cotton,
Thinking, "Damn, I just killed a man!"

Thinking, "What if he ain't dead though?"
"What if he's just hurt?"
And I secretly pray that prayer to the Lord,
As my feet are pounding the dirt.

Wish I could just go back now,
To being a kid with chores,
Trippin' cause I just killed my brother,
Or, maybe, he was yours.

And as his soul slowly flows out,
From the hole in his chest,
I pray to God up in Heaven,
That in peace we both rest.

This poem was based on a day of violence in my neighborhood back in April of '06. No one was killed, but it ended with a young man losing conciousness due to being pistol whipped. I went through a dark period following that incident, and wrote this piece and its companion pieces, The Skills God Gave Me, and Dropped Soap, as a way of trying to understand the mindset of people who live their lives in this manner.

The Skills God Gave Me (The Prequel)

When I came in this world,
I didn't have shit.
My mom said she was pregnant,
My sperm donor split.

Wouldn't know that punk bastard,
If he walked up on me now.
Wouldn't matter.
Ain't got no love for that nigga no how.

Made it through elementary,
Without reading and writing,
But they kept passing me anyway,
Cause they was tired of me fighting.

Got to junior high,
Could barely write or read my own name.
Teachers kept on passing me,
Same ol' same.

Now,they expect me to work,
Get a real nine to five.
They say I'm lazy,
Ain't got no determination or drive,

But then they won't hire me,
Cause I can't write or read,
Cause I ain't got none
Of the skills they need.

So when I stand out on the corner
Trying to get my needs met,
I'm viewed as a gangbanger,
A neighborhood threat.

But I don't come to your door,
With my product in hand.
Folks come to me,
To supply their demands.

Getting fat off my hustle,
With the skills God gave me.
You say getting my GED
Will save me,

But I think you're just jealous,
That this thug with no skills,
Has more money than you,
And a better set of wheels.

You wanna see me go under,
Can't wait to see me fail,
Take away the only thing I got,
And let me rot in jail.

Again, I don't come to your door,
With my product in hand,
And for the record, I'm not a gangbanger,
I'm a business man.

Cain't Silence My Soul (Inspired by the movie--Uncle Tom's Cabin with Avery Brooks)

Here lays I, Jesus,

Left here fo' to die,

But I won't yell out, Jesus.

No, I will not cry.

Tho' my body be broken,

And I be's short of breath,

And I'se left here dear Jesus,

At the do' of col' death,

Nobody, my Lord,

No matta what dey do,

Dey cain't silence my soul,

When it's singing to you.

Now I lays here, dear Jesus,

Weak, tired, and col'

Bloody and broken,

In body, not soul,

And tho' dey done beat me,

And left me fo' dead,

There's song in my heart,

And song in my head.

Now, I sees you sweet Jesus,

In yo' halo of gol'

And I'se singing sweet Jesus,

Dey cain't silence my soul.

Shit Ain't Real No More

They got a pill claiming
To make my titties bigger,
Or implants,
To give me that perfect, fuller figure.

I can get fat injected, or fat sucked out,
Depending on which spot.
I can buy lubricants to make my pussy wet,
Or the warming kind to make it hot.

I can buy my hair from the Chinese store,
Or buy some product to make it thick,
And sex toys in every size, shape, speed and color
To substitute for dick.

He gets his erection from a bottle of pills,
His dick size, and stamina too,
His body from steroids and protein shakes--
He don't even have to chew!

His hair came from the club for men,
His job from a get rich quick CD,
So tell me again why I need his ass,
Or why his ass should need me?

We date over the internet.
Who needs face to face,
When we can hook up on a chat line,
Or facebook, or MySpace?

What are we responsible for anymore?
I'm just trying to understand the deal,
Trying to maintain in this fake ass world
Where shit just ain't even trying to be real!

Foggy

My mind's in a fog,
Feeling like earthbound clouds,
A white mist of gauze,
A veil, a shroud.

Like the sunrise, I struggle
Trying to burn my way through,
Trying to clear away the grayness
So my light can shine too.

Trying to feel my way slowly,
So no surprise obstacles appear,
Fog too slowly dissipating,
But soon my pathway will be clear.

And just like the brightest
Rays of sun, I will shine,
As I burn through the fog
Permeating my mind.

As the water droplets refract
Each and every ray,
I explode into color,
And a beautiful new day.

Can't catch me, can't touch me,
Brilliance so bright it blinds.
Hope to inspire and uplift you,
And help clear your clouded minds.

Natural

Natural like springtime,
And the sweet smell of flowers,
Like the language of brooks,
That babble for hours,

Like the heat of the sunshine,
And the coolness of shade,
And the brilliant colors of sunsets,
That naturally brighten and fade,

Like the tallness of trees,
And the expanse of the sky,
And the swiftness of the wings,
Of eagles on high,

Like the misting of dew,
On the green morning grass,
And the echoes of mountains,
From eons long past,

Like the soft look of clouds,
And the passing of time,
And the depth of the joy,
With which I write this rhyme,

I come to you, humbly, joyfully,

NATURAL

Like the Evergreen

Through the blinding snow,
And the driven rains,
They stand tall and strong,
Over and over again.

Reaching up to the heavens,
Branches like arms stretched out,
God's silent hallelujah chorus,
Gently swaying and waving about.

Surrendering gracefully to nature,
But never losing their grace,
Awe inspiring beauty,
And never out of place.

When I pass from this world,
When I exit this scene,
I want to be remembered,
Like the evergreen."

I Wish I Were Your Savior

I wish I were your savior,
And could keep you safe from harm.
I wish you'd never grown up,
And were still a babe in arms.

I wish I could have made you happy,
And made all your dreams come true.
I wish my love had been enough
To sustain and comfort you.

I wish I could have stopped you,
From leaving home that day,
Then I wouldn't be sitting here
Communicating with you this way.

I wish I could have stilled his hand,
And prevented the flow of your blood.
I wish the flowing of my tears,
Wasn't causing this massive flood.

I wish....I wish so many things,
But nothing can change the past,
So, I close my eyes and picture you,
To try to make the memory last.

I wish I were your savior,
But the fact is that I'm not.
I wish you would come home tonight,
After hanging out at the spot.

I wish you could've come to me,
And I could've protected you for life,
But I am not your savior,
I'm just your mother, sister, wife.

I'm your brother, father, cousin,
Niece, nephew, I'm your child.
I'm someone who really loved you,
And who's gonna miss your smile.

I'm your co-worker, classmate,
Your old teacher, your best friend,
And while I couldn't be your savior,
I hope you found Him in the end.

I wish I were your savior.
I wish I could make the killings cease,
But I'm just your nextdoor neighbor,
Asking the Savior to bring us peace.

Dedicated to the memories of Carlos C., Peanut, Dante G., Chilly Will, Cody B., Derrick T., and those who the reader may have lost as well.


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Our Time

"We had our moments,
Both good and bad.
There were joyous times,
And some were sad,

But, it was our time.

Through Halloween parades,
And afterschool sales,
We laughed our heads off,
And we raised hell.

But, it was our time.

Oh, and the phone conversations,
That you and Sylvia had,
Boy, y'all talked about us terribly,
And y'all knew we were not that bad.

So, we laughed, and that was our time.

Through my kids and my accident,
My stress and my strife,
As I was yours,
You were my life,

And it was our time.

You said you were ready,
To go on home,
I guess you meant it,
Cause now, you're gone,

But we didn't believe it was your time.

Love you Mom"

Poetic Succubus

Poetic Succubus

"I'm a writer of rhyme, of poetry thus,
I'm a lyrical, poetic, succubus.
I speak words that make you feel high as a kite,
And make love to your soul in the heat of the night.
Words so internal, endearing, ingenious,
They stimulate the mind, heartrate, and penis.
Words that make you want to cum, never go,
Word that make your creative juices flow.
Succubus, an entity who makes love to men as they sleep,
Maybe tonight, into your bedroom I'll creep,
And in deepest sleep, as your body rests,
My words kiss, and lick, and caress your chest.
From the rapid movement of your eyes,
You feel my words caressing your thighs,
Words cupping your scrotum, and gripping your shaft,
Words drenched in wetness, and the succubus laughs,
Laughs cause you're caught in my hot imagination,
As I poetically sex you to ejaculation,
And as you buck, pulse and throb to my mystical rhythm,
My pen is absorbing the flow of your gism,
Taking it all with the force that you give it.
Was this a dream? Or, did you actually live it?
As your heartrate slows, and your eyes flicker open,
You look around for me, searching, hoping.
Just speak my name on the wings of the wind,
Say, Connie, and maybe I'll cum to you again,
But daylight is dawning. To another time zone I creep,
For a succubus is an entity who makes love to men as they sleep."

What You Never Took Time To Notice

Due to my affinity for written and spoken word,

I was mislabeled as geek and thought of as nerd.
I didn't fit into your box of sexy or cool,
But better than a diamond, I was the rarest of jewels,
And while you fell into the cliques and cliches of youth,
I grew into me. Baby, I was always the truth.

You just never took the time to get to know me!

Rhythmic Rain 2009